| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2006|10:13 pm] |
" i wish i knew what you were looking for."
yeah im kinda of not in the right mind to drive right now. lol
but im at the garage right now, and im kind of getting an artsy idea and i thought i would apply it to the grate american sleep out.
also its given me time to think.
only a few people know, but i have serious crush on levi. i dont want anybody to know about it, but most of you know, at least a couple of my best friends do. but i esp. dont want him to know.but I dont know if it cause he is my best friend, or if its something wierd. but either way, i feel wierd. and i dont want him to know, and then make things akward. like when i had a crush on someone, a while back, beth told levi, "oh cory has a crush on someone and he wont tell me who it is" and he said "its probably me" that made me feel wierd, and then she said "actually no" i mean it was the truth i didnt have a crush on him at the time. and his response was "oh." i mean i think that kind of makes things wierd, esp. if he thinks i have a crush on him.
but anyways...
i was thinking, and its like, most people have a crush on him cause hes hot. i personally think hes cute, but not hot. but i like him cause he makes me laugh, and hes not afraid to be himself around me, and hes not afraid of what people think... like "oh your friend is gay..." i know he would stick up for me, and thats what makes me smile sometimes.
but i like him, cause hes something different and hes not an everyday kind of guy ya know?
i mean i have had different kinds of crushes but this one is different. i dont know why.
some of you may watch QAF and i think our relationship is like Brian's and micheals. seriously.
they both secretly have crushes one each other but dont really show it.
to be truthfully honest, i could see myself settling down with someone soon. i would like to start to have a real life, im in college, i have a job, i have a car, i like what im doing, and the only thing im really missing right now, is a boyfriend.
i ALWAYS attract the guys who are not my type.
I like the fact that im still kind of waiting, but its like i think im not trying so maybe thats why my life right now is kind of boring, i mean i party, i drink, i smoke once and a while, and i hangout. im living a normal life, but no one to share it with.
I always see ugly guys getting attractive guy, and its like i know im not that ugly lol, but seriously, why cant i find "the right one?"
i think im going to be the creepy old gay guy who doesnt have a life partner, and who lives on his own still, and never falls in love, and in the end dies unhappy.
i love my friend more than a almost anything else, but they cant "reach" if i may, that special spot in my heart, only 3 have, and its crushing to know something has happened to were i cant do anything about it, excpet to go on with my life, and try to find mr. right.
Kelly found MR. Right.
Jesi found Mr. Right
and i want what they have, im super jealous.
I WANT TO FALL IN LOVE!
I WANT TO HAVE SOMEONE KISS ME ON THE FORHEAD WHEN I SLEEP.
OR WATCH ME SLEEP (IN THE NONCREEPY WAY)
OR SOMEONE TO SEND ME FLOWERS.
OR TO TAKE ME TO THERE SPECIAL SPOT, WHERE THEY ARE AT PEACE.
"and I'm not running anymore I'll stand to face it all I'll fight for every breath until theres nothing left of us"
MMMM....
lol.
i need a life or something.
i need to smoke somemore.
i also found an old message from him that i saved on my comp. and it says, i love you, come cuddle with me.
i know he straight, and i love him for that, and i love the fact that he wanted to cuddle.
esp. on my birthday, when we just cuddled up in the most akward position, and he put his hands around me, and said, just get comfortable. and just held me, and then beth said we had to go, which made me sad. cause i wanted to lay there with him for hours.
well i need to drive home, i need sleep...
love,
Cory |
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